German Words That Sound Dirty But Aren't

I have wanted to make this lesson for a very long time. I teach German at a high school in the United States. Every year there are certain words that the students come across and they have to pause for a moment. These are some of my favorite words in German that sound dirty to English speakers, but aren’t.

Fahrt ≠ fart

Wie kommen wir zum Zoo? - 
How do we get to the zoo? 

Fahrt durch den Park! - 
Fart through the park?!? 

Wie sollte das mir helfen? Mein Flatulenz wird mich nicht zum Zoo bringen. -
How is that going to help? My flatulence isn’t going to get me to the zoo.

No! It means "Drive through the park."

There are a ton of words in German that have “Fahrt” in them. The first time my students encounter it is when we learn the conjugation of “fahren”. It gets even more fun with the imperative in German 1 and I give the example sentence of “Fahrt durch den Park!” Tee hee. He said “fart”. It isn’t just the ihr form of the verb fahren, however.

Einfahrt - entrance 

Ausfahrt - exit

Schifffahrt - cruise

Gute Fahrt! - Have a nice trip!

sechs ≠ sex

What is between fear and sex, Mr. Freud?

Fünf!

eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs

sechsundsechzig, sechshundertsechsundsechzig, sechstausendsechshundertsechsundsechzig

There is so much sechs in German. You can’t even count in German without it becoming sechs-y.

der Krapfen ≠ crap

Was isst du da? - 
What are you eating there?

Krapfen. - 
Crap?

Ist es wirklich so schlecht? Krapfen? - 
Is it really that bad? Crap? 

NO! Krapfen are a type of pastry similar to a donut.

From fornication to defecation, this video has it all. This jelly-filled doughnut is called different names in different places, but my favorite is Krapfen for obvious reasons.

der Schlitten, der Schlittschuh, der Schritt (das Schrittchen) ≠ sh**

Was machst du? - 
What are you doing? 

Ich sitze in einem Schlitten. - 
I'm sitting in a sh...

Was machst du danach? - 
What are you doing after that? 

Ich laufe Schlittschuh. - 
I am running sh... shoe.

Wie macht man das? - 
How do you do? 

Einfach ein Schritt nach dem anderen. Wenn man muss, kann man Schrittchen machen. Dann geht man langsamer. - 

Just put one sh... in front of the other. If you have to, you can make little steps. Then it is a lot easier. 

None of those S-words are "the s-word". 

Schlitten - sled

Schlittschuh - ice skate

Schritt - step

Schrittchen - little steps

There are lots of words in German that are just one letter away from being just all around crappy words. These are just a few, but there are a ton of others. Schlitten is a sled or sleigh. Don’t forget the “L”. SchLitten. What happens if you are a dog owner and you don’t watch your step in the backyard? Schlittschuh. In German, however, this is an ice skate.

Once you have literally stepped in it in the backyard, every step you take is Schritt, but in German all steps are Schritte. You can even take a little step and call it a Schrittchen, which sounds like you are taking a baby poop. :)

damit ≠ dammit or damnit

Hey, was machst du mit dem Kuli? - 
Hey, what are you doing with the pen? 

Ich schreibe damit. - 
I am writing dammit? 

No… damit means “with that” or “with it”.

der Koch ≠ nickname for a rooster… among other things

Mein Koch ist in der Küche. - 
My what is in the kitchen. 

What? How did you even detach it? You know what, I don’t even want to know.

“Mein Koch” is "my cook" in German.

Mein Koch ist in der Küche. - 
My cook is in the kitchen. 

What I find most entertaining about this word is that there are families in America with the last name Koch and every American who has ever encountered this name has had the internal struggle of how to say this name. I usually go with the German pronunciation, but you will sometimes hear people pronounce it as “cock”, even some of the people with this last name pronounce it like this.

I find it even weirder, however, that some people with this last name pronounce it as “cook”, which is the translation of the last name, but not at all how anyone who paid any attention would pronounce it.

die Mannschaft (Mannschaften) ≠ man shaft

Ich spiele jeden Tag mit meiner Mannschaft. - 
I play tag everyday with my man shaft? 

Eww. Widerlich. Ich musste das nicht wissen. -
Eww. Gross. I did not need to know that.

Was? Wie sollten wir sonst um die Meisterschaft kämpfen? Wir müssen trainieren. -
What? How else are we going to make it to the championship? We have to practice.

Keeping with the phallic direction of this video, the word Mannschaft always gets a few giggles in German classes. The fact that it is a feminine noun also gets a few side glances amongst friends.

dick ≠ another phallic word

Du bist dick. - 
You are ??? 

Was hast du mich genannt? -
What’d you call me?

Fat.

What? I thought you said “dick”.

Yep. Dick is fat.

TMI, dude. TMI.

This one made me laugh the first time I was in Germany. I was at KaDeWe in Berlin and saw a shelf full of packages labeled with “Super Dickmann’s”. I thought it was the weirdest name for a superhero ever. Then last year the internet introduced me to the show from Denmark called “John Dillermand”. These two things are not related. “Dick” is just the German word for fat.

die Dickmilch ≠ what kind of milk?

Blech. Das ist Dickmilch. - 

Gah. This is ??? milik. 

Was für Milch ist das? Wo würde man sowas kaufen? -
What kind of milk is that? Where would you even buy that?

Dickmilch ist kein Milch zum Trinken. Sie ist Milch, die gären gelassen wurde. -
Dickmilch isn’t milk that you drink. It is milk that has been fermented.

Warum heißt sie “Dickmilch”? -
Why is it called “Dickmilch”?

I just told you that “dick” means “fat”. It also happens to mean “thick”. When milk ferments, it gets thick. Dickmilch just describes what it is. Thick milk. -
Ich habe gerade gesagt, dass “dick” “fat” bedeutet. Es is zufällig auch “thick”. Wenn Milch gärt, wird sie dick. Dickmilch beschreibt, was sie ist. Dicke Milch.

das Ass, aß ≠ ass

*kaut ein Stück Papier - 
*eats a piece of paper

Was hat er gemacht? - 
What did he do? 

Er aß ein Ass. - 
He ate an ??? 

The past tense of the verb “essen” is “aß” and the playing card with an A on it is called an “Ass”. Now the next time you are playing poker and you just need an ace, to finish your full house, you can say,

Komm schon… Zeig mir das Ass. - 
Come on... show me the ace. 

Boom. Caught the boat on the river. (I got the last card needed for a full house on the last card flipped over.)

das Fach (Fächer) ≠ f***

Ich hasse dieses Fach. Und das ist ein Fakt. - 
I hate this ??? And that's a ???

Fach? Fakt? Are you allowed to say that in school?

Sure. There are lots of “Fächer” in school. And without “Fakten” the whole system falls apart.

der Fakt (Fakten) ≠ f***

I’ll take four letter F-words for $400, Alex.

Ok, Mr. Connery. The answer is “a subject in a German school”.

Fach.

You need to phrase it in the form of a question.

That’s not what your mother said last night.

Whatever. Let’s just go on to the next question. The answer is “the German opposite of the falsehood”.

WTF?

Could you repeat your answer, Mr. Connery? I don’t think I heard that right.

WTF? What’s the Fakt? The Fakt is “the German opposite of the falsehood”. 

My students never have a problem remembering the word for a subject in German. Fach is a difficult word to forget. One that sounds even closer to the dirtiest of all dirty words is Fakt. Try saying the following three times fast.

Fach, Fakt, Fächer, Fakten x 3

der Muckefuck ≠ I know how to read. I see it.

Dieser Kaffee schmeckt mir gar nicht. - 
This coffee doesn’t taste good at all.

Das ist kein Kaffee. Das ist Muckefuck. - 
That isn’t coffee. That is Muckefuck.

Was hast du mich genannt? -
What did you call me?

Nein. Das Getränk. Es heißt “Muckefuck”. Es ist kein echter Kaffee. Das ist Ersatzkaffee, der von Gerstenmalz gemacht wird. -
No. The drink. It is called “Muckefuck”. It isn’t real coffee. It is a coffee substitute made from barley malt
This coffee doesn’t taste good at all.

Apparently it was pretty popular in East Germany and was considered like a kids’ coffee, because it didn’t have caffeine. Honestly if someone tries to replace my coffee with a decaffeinated coffee substitute, you might hear me say Muckefuck, too.

I had a ton of fun making this lesson. I hope you had fun while reading it. If you want to learn more awesome German words, check out this lesson about compound nouns.